I was 19 years old and had only been with my then-boyfriend Matt for a year. As I waited in my parents’ bathroom, staring at the lines slowly appearing on the test, I couldn’t stop thinking about how Matt would handle it.
The test was positive. I ran to the drugstore and bought more pregnancy tests—a handful, at least—and returned to the bathroom to jam them all in a cup of my pee. They were all positive—I was definitely pregnant. After I told him, Matt didn’t say much to me for a solid week.
Things got better eventually; even though we were young, we got really excited to be parents, and by the time our son Harry was born in 2011, things were downright blissful. Matt and I got married in 2013 and we enjoyed being parents so much that we decided to try for another baby.
I became obsessed with checking my fertility with ovulation tests and then taking multiple pregnancy tests, hoping to get a positive result. All day, I’d think about when I could test next, and I’d calculate my cycle over and over again.
When it was time to test, I’d jump out of bed and rush to the bathroom. It’s hard to describe the excitement I felt from taking a pregnancy test, but it was like Christmas morning for me—a head-spinning combination of excitement, nerves, adrenaline, and hope.
Of course, I got anxious before each test, but it was worth the calmness I felt afterward—even if I saw negative results; at least then I knew what was going on.
Some people may think it’s strange to put something so private out in the public sphere, but my viewers have been with me through all the ups and downs of the past few years, and they are quick to offer me support or check in on me when I haven’t posted. They’ll also email me about their struggles trying to conceive and when they get pregnant. They honestly feel like family now.
‘You’re literally peeing on money.’
FYI: Taking pregnancy tests isn’t cheap. During an average cycle, I’d use dozens of ovulation and pregnancy tests. Each month, I’d buy a pack of 30 ovulation tests for $10 and a pack of 20 pregnancy testing strips for $6.
I’d continue to take the pregnancy tests twice a day for a week after I’d gotten pregnant, checking to see if the lines were getting darker, which I took as an indication that the pregnancy was going well.
After 19 months and $500, I got pregnant and gave birth to my second child. I had taken about 400 tests.
Now, my husband has even started buying me pregnancy tests.
After seeing how trying to conceive affected me emotionally, and the calm that I get from taking the tests, my husband understands (or at least is trying to understand) why I feel the need to take these tests—he’s even started buying them for me. It sounds silly, but it’s the sweetest gift.
To learn more about Corrine and her story, follow her on her YouTube channel Corrine Matt.